Introspection

It was Christmas 2004. I looked like this:

Not too bad, really, when I think about it (better than what I look like now, at any rate). But in my head, I wanted to look different: thinner, more athletic. At 163 pounds, I began my journey of weight loss and fitness. After dropping a few pounds, I picked up the sport of triathlon, which culminated with my first triathlon in Salem, Utah. I had successfully dropped 20 pounds and looked like this:

Okay, so maybe I look better in the first picture because I have make-up on and my face isn't broken out. (Who knew acne would still be the bane of my existence at age 32? And don't be givin' me your holistic solutions. Acutane has been the only thing that has worked, and now that I'm in baby-having mode, that will not do.) And perhaps I really wouldn't ever look great in a bathing suit no matter how buff my body is thanks to my pastey, white skin. But still...

I remember feeling exhilarated for all of three minutes after that race before someone questioned why I didn't go faster. I have never done triathlons based on speed. It's always been about fitness and looking good in a swimsuit. There. I wrote it. The smaller part of me would like to go faster, but the biggest part of me just wants to be comfortable in my skin; be confident when sitting in a hot tub full of skinny girls. Actually, that was part of my original impetus to lose weight. We were invited to a friend's cabin that had a hot tub. I came out in shorts and a T-shirt. The other wives came out in teeny, tiny bikinis and looked great. I usually don't care about being the biggest, but I was pretty humiliated that day. I just felt frumpy. I'm rarely the skinniest girl in a group, but I can at least feel better about myself if I'm at a weight I'm comfortable with.

But here we are four years later and another child, and I need to lose 26 pounds this time. And I can do it. I've signed up with my Weight Watchers, and I've mapped out two triathlons to do in May and July.

So begins this journey again. My triathlon lifestyle that is really a front for my desire to look good in a bathing suit. And there is that side benefit of making me happier about just being me, and making me a happier mother and wife as well. Allow me to share my log of activity, hills and valleys, with you via this blog.

Starting weight: 166 pounds
Goal weight: 140-145 pounds